I am not Dave Grohl. Some people would even say I am the opposite of Dave Grohl. He is a rock star, and is unquestionably one of the most respected people in the music industry. I, on the other hand, am a lowly 7th grade English teacher at a middle school in a small community an hour from Washington, DC.
Dave Grohl has millions of adoring fans. I don’t, though I am very grateful that most of my students like me okay.
Dave Grohl has millions of dollars and can afford to do whatever he wants. If he wants a summer off, he takes it.
That's important, so I'm going to say it again: He wasn't motivated by fame. He didn't drop out of high school to become famous; he dropped out because playing punk rock was his passion and he wanted to make a living at it. He wasn't being lazy, he wasn't simply trying to avoid being told what to do. Dave Grohl actually had bigger and better things to be working on. He wasn't like 99.9% of kids that age. He already knew what he wanted to do with his life.
Yes, there was some luck involved, but no matter how much I wanted it, “luck” could not have gotten me that place in Nirvana. I didn't spend those years drumming for punk bands that made almost no money and traveling the country just for a chance to maybe find a few people to listen to me play. Dave put himself out there, and I didn't. That was not luck. When I really think about it, though, I wouldn't want to give up what I have: my wife, my kids, my friends. This is my life, and it's a good one. If I had it to do over, I'd want to change a few things, but I'm pretty sure I'd find myself trying to get back here.
I also get summers off, and I get paid money, though I make slightly less than he does. He can, in fact, make more by playing one concert than I make in three years of teaching, but at least I make enough to not have to live in a box behind WalMart.
Dave Grohl has lived all over the country and has travelled the world. If he wants to visit another country, he can charter a jet, and maybe even play a concert to pay for the entire trip and a new yacht or something.
I get to travel some, too, though not for work and mostly at my wife’s expense, since she makes a lot more than I do. I took my kids on a long road trip across the country once, and it was awesome. I’d like to see Europe. Someday I might start saving to go there.
I can go out in public without being bothered, though, which is nice. Dave Grohl has to deal with autograph seekers and people hoping he’ll give them money or sign their band. I don’t have that problem. Even waiters in restaurants don’t pay much attention to me.
So, I've got that going for me.
He would understand where I’m coming from with this writing thing I do. I have a blog, and sometimes people read what I write. Currently, I’m giddy if I have 100 hits on one of my posts. At this point in his career, Dave Grohl can sell out a 100,000 seat arena in 15 minutes, but there was a time when he, too, was happy if 20 people showed up for one of his shows. He wanted to be a self-supporting musician someday just as I’d like to be able to support myself writing.
The thing is, though, I would still probably want to teach. It’s one of the few things I do well, maybe as well as Dave Grohl writes songs or plays the drums. Dave Grohl has his calling, and I have mine. He is a rock star; I am a teacher and a writer. That is simply the way it is.
At 46, though, he and I are not on the same playing field. To say he is highly successful seems like an understatement. Even successful people aren’t as successful as him.
To say I am highly successful kind of depends on how you define success. I have never been to prison, I have excellent credit, and as far as I know, I don’t have any enemies trying to kill me. Certainly, that’s a kind of success.
I’ve also survived 10 years as a classroom teacher, and I'm pretty good at it. I've never really questioned that teaching is my calling, though I have often questioned whether I could make more money doing something else.
I like what I do and I'm good at it. That is a kind of success as well. Really, it is the only kind that matters. There are a lot of very rich and very miserable people out there, but Dave Grohl and I aren't among them because we are doing something that we love and believe in.
And he, at least, gets to be rich while he does it.
The reason I am focusing on Dave Grohl here is because he and I have a lot in common. We were both born in 1969, and grew up in the Virginia suburbs of Washington, DC. We attended public schools there, though neither of us were stellar students. As kids, we visited many of the same places, and we have the same cultural touchstones. We both started playing the guitar as young kids, and developed a strong love of music that stayed with us through the rest of our lives.
We even had similar dreams and aspirations. As a teenager, I fantasized constantly about playing in one of the most popular bands in the world, winning Grammys, jamming with Paul McCartney, backing David Lee Roth on a set of Van Halen’s most popular tunes, or recording a song with Joe Walsh. I listened to Gerry Rafferty’s “Baker Street” and dreamed of recording a version of that one day. I distinctly remember thinking about how cool it would be to play on Late Night With David Letterman, maybe even taking over for Paul Shaffer and the band. My ultimate dream, though, was to play at the biggest and most important venue in Washington, DC: RFK Stadium. It wasn’t the nicest place in the world to play, but it was the place where the biggest bands performed. I saw the Monsters of Rock festival there and several alternative festivals sponsored by WHFS, as well as the Rolling Stones, the Who, the Grateful Dead, Pink Floyd, and Paul McCartney.
Dave Grohl fantasized about the same things. The difference, of course, is that he has accomplished all of them. He even won a Grammy for a song he wrote and performed with Paul McCartney, and took over David Letterman’s stage for a full week. When he played RFK, it was on the Fourth of July, and the place was dilapidated and run down, but he still bragged about how he wouldn’t have missed that show for the world.
And I knew how he felt. He was the home town kid playing a stage reserved for only the greatest rock and roll acts in the world. Playing RFK was tantamount to returning as a conquering hero.
Not that I’m complaining or making excuses. Much. I have a good life. I feel no shame about being a teacher; this is the path I chose. If it becomes a burden or if I stop enjoying it, even at my advanced age, I am free to choose another one.
Which is something I with more people understood about life. Life is not random, and it is not unfair. Dave Grohl has done many things that I would love to do, but it’s not like I had the chance and passed it up.
Dave chose his path; I chose mine.
And here’s how that happened:
I was first introduced to Dave Grohl in 1991. I don't recall the date, but I remember the moment. I was on my way to a class at George Mason University in Fairfax, driving past Pickett Shopping Center, home of the Record and Tape Exchange and Chuck E. Cheeses, places I'm certain Dave Grohl would have been familiar with, when a catchy little guitar riff emanated from my car's speakers followed by the sudden blast of Grohl's drums, like a flurry of punches to the head that came from nowhere. Suddenly I was bouncing in my seat as a tidal wave of sound blew through me and changed my perspective on music forever.
"Smells Like Teen Spirit" is almost a rock and roll cliche at this point, but it is one of those rare songs that just exploded into everyone's consciousness at once. It was everywhere, like "Gagnam Style" was a few years back, only good.
Like most of my generation, save a small percentage of people who had dug deep into the DC punk scene or become hip to Seattle’s SubPop record label, "Smells Like Teen Spirit" was the moment Dave Grohl's work entered my life, which is as close as I’ve ever come to actually meeting him.
And yet I am certain our paths crossed. We both grew up in the same place, born the same year, ensconced in almost identical settings, and possessing similar interests. The bassist from one of his favorite bands, who he almost certainly knew, lived down the street from me. I have no doubt, had he been in the car with me that day, the sights flying by my windows would have been familiar to him, and we would have been in agreement about most of what was playing on the radio, too.
But he was not in the car, he was the drummer in the band playing on the radio, and I had all but walked away from any thoughts of ever playing in a band by that point in my life. I was, instead, following the traditional path, getting a college education and planning for the life most people realistically expected.
And therein lies the difference between me and Dave Grohl. I played it safe, and stayed well within my comfort zone. I did what I had to do to avoid crashing failure, suffering, embarrassment, pain, and doubt. It was the path most people recommended, and the one everyone knew was safe.
Was it the most glamorous or exciting path I could have chosen?
Maybe not.
But it was the path that had been taken by every single real person I had ever met. It was the path of least resistance, and the only path with a guaranteed payoff. Even Dave Grohl’s friends followed similar roads. One of his earliest bands broke up because his two band mates graduated from high school and left for college. One of his friends once suggested to him that he needed his education. “Look at all of these bands I’ve seen living in vans. With an education you can feed yourself and get an apartment.” It was good advice.
But Dave Grohl didn’t take that path. He took the road less travelled by. He dropped out of high school at 17, and went on tour with his band Scream.
And he spent the better part of four years living in a van or crashing on people’s floors, just hoping to make enough money to get some food and make it to the next gig. By 1990, he was stranded in California, broke and hungry, sleeping on the floor with his band mates in a house rented by three girls who made their living mud wrestling. He began to consider that maybe he shouldn’t have left his entire world behind, and that maybe a steady job wouldn’t be so bad.
At that point, I was working, making money, and going to school. My future looked bright, and Dave Grohl was three generous mud wrestlers away from that proverbial box behind WalMart. If life was actually a contest, I was winning.
Not only that, I was running up the score.
But all of that changed when he got a tip that a band called Nirvana was looking for a drummer. Things didn't change immediately, Nirvana was completely unknown at the time, but within a year, they were the biggest band in the world and had left me and everyone he or I ever knew behind.
His gamble had paid off. Dave Grohl, a high school dropout, had hit the big time.
Of course, that kind of overwhelming success was never his main goal. Like me, Dave Grohl talked about playing with the biggest band in the world, but he wasn’t motivated by fame.
He was motivated by his love of music. In fact, had he never become world famous, he still would have preferred playing in bands to working day to day in an ordinary job, even if he struggled to pay the bills.
Today, in fact, he could quit if he wanted to. He has accomplished enough that money isn't an issue. He could survive nicely on the legacy he’s already built, maybe recording a song here and there or playing a concert every now and then if the mood hit him just right.
But he keeps on playing and touring and making albums, because that is what he loves to do.
I, on the other hand, had a much murkier picture of my future. I liked music a lot, but I liked other things too.
One thing is certain, tough. I never wanted to sleep on floors or suffer through gigs at horrible little smelly bars in front of six drunks just to make a few bucks. Playing music had a real appeal for me, just as it did for him, but I didn’t have his passion for it and I wasn’t willing to make the sacrifices he did.
I could have - anyone could - but I chose not to. He not only walked away from his education, he left all of his friends and family to go on tour with Scream, and then left even those friends to join Nirvana. When he arrived in Seattle to play with his new band, he knew no one.
That wasn't a choice that I was in any way prepared to make.
But he wanted to make music, above all else, and that singularity of purpose kept him going. While I drifted, changing from one menial job to another, waiting tables, changing my college major several times before eventually settling on English, thinking that I might do this, or maybe that, or maybe some other thing, Dave Grohl was focused on one thing.
And he kept working at it. Even after Nirvana hit it big, he kept working and growing. In 1991, during breaks in touring with Nirvana, he recorded and quietly released a solo album on an independent local label and then went on tour with his old friends in Scream. When things fell apart, he didn’t rest on his laurels or wallow in self-pity, he began writing songs and recording on his own.
The end result was the first Foo Fighters album, on which he played all of the instruments himself.
Me? I stayed here in Virginia, got my college degree, and went to work. I wanted to write a novel, and even finished one once, but I wasn’t happy with the way it turned out and it needed a lot of revision, and life got in the way of really devoting my time to creative pursuits. Instead, I wrote sales proposals for a company that built trade show and museum exhibits and did marketing work for various companies, and I built a comfortable life for myself.
I had my share of frustration at times, but I never had to suffer like Dave Grohl. There was no dirt and squalor in my life, and very little uncertainty. It was unlikely I would ever be rich, but it was equally unlikely that I would ever be broke. I didn't have to sleep on the floors of strangers or wonder where my next meal was coming from. I didn't have to worry about ending up broke and hungry, just hoping to find a job so I could buy a sandwich. After a few years, like most of my friends, I had a house in the suburbs, two kids, a minivan, and a little extra money in the bank at the end of the month.
The major difference between me and Dave Grohl, then, lies in two things. Talent, it is important to note, is not one of them. One could argue, in fact, that Dave Grohl and I, at the age of 15 or 16, were equally talented and could have easily switched places, but whether that's true or not, I know a lot of talented people who have done nothing with their talents. Dave Grohl could have easily been one of them.
Luck, also, is not a significant reason for his success. He and I have both been lucky, in that neither of us is dead. Beyond that, luck is irrelevant. Dave Grohl had the opportunity to play with Nirvana, first and foremost, because he was an extremely competent drummer and worked hard at what he did. There was some luck in Nirvana’s success, but the band’s greatest strength lie in the fact that Kurt Cobain wrote brilliant songs, and then worked to make sure the right people heard those songs.
Had Dave Grohl not worked at being a really good drummer, he wouldn't have ever played with Nirvana. Had Nirvana been just three dumb guys writing stupid songs and screwing around in a basement, they would not have become the biggest band in the world. Very few things in life “just happen.”
Rather than talent or luck, I see the biggest difference between Dave Grohl and I lying in his sense of purpose. He wanted only one thing, dating back to the time he was 14 years old. He loved music, and he didn’t just want to listen to it or talk about it, he wanted to create it.
That was his purpose, his calling. He even said it himself: “I knew that there was only one thing I was cut out to do and that was music.”
I kind of wanted that, too, but not as badly. Truthfully, I didn’t know what I wanted, or even what I liked, and in some ways I still don’t. As time has gone by, I’ve realized that writing and teaching are the two things I do best, but getting to that point, for me (and for most people I know), has been a gradual process, and I still tend to be distracted by a million other things.
Which is why he is a world famous musician, and I am not.
The second thing that set us apart is a wiliness to sacrifice and take risks, and to endure the ups and downs that go along with it. I would love to play RFK Stadium someday, but I don't know that I would willingly spend four years sleeping on floors in roach-infested apartments or have beer bottles tossed at me by drunken rednecks in Joe’s Dirtbag Diner and Band Emporium to get there, even if I had a pretty good idea that things would work out. Being a musician was never that important to me.
Similarly, as a writer, I could have taken any number of internships at magazines, or split for New York City after college and spent time trying to get in the door of the major publishing houses while waiting tables at some restaurant and, most likely, sleeping on floors in roach-infested apartments just trying to get noticed.
Instead, I chose a simpler and more comfortable path. As much as I would love to be able to jam on stage with Paul McCartney or headline a show at RFK Stadium, I know that was never in the cards for me.
Would I change a few things if I had it all to do over again?
Probably. Hind sight is always 20/20. I made the choices I thought I had to make, not knowing what outcomes were possible.
At the same time, though, different choices means a different path, and I'm not sure I would want a life that wasn't enriched by the people I currently have in it, people I most likely wouldn't have in my life if I had made other choices. If I could switch places with Dave Grohl today, I wouldn't do it.
Maybe for a day, or for a few weeks even. Maybe to get the chance to play in front of 63,000 people at RFK stadium, or even a few hundred at the 9:30 club.
I would guess that there are a few things Dave Grohl might change as well, a few shortcuts he would take to get to the top, if he could do it again knowing where it all was headed.
The difference between me and Dave Grohl lies in those choices, though. He stepped out and followed his dreams, which everyone should do if they have big dreams. I didn’t know what dreams to follow, so I took the road most travelled by, the one that leads to that house in the suburbs.
And that has made all the difference.
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